Tuesday, October 25, 2011

31 Days of Joys: Day 25

Joy is a positive word.  When thinking about joy, I usually think about things that make me happy, as most people probably do.  I've already talked about finding joy through surrender, which doesn't always feel positive at the time but brings joy and peace beyond words.  Today I'd like to focus on an aspect of joy that I have never before explored.

There are a few things you must understand about my personality before I go any further.  First of all, I tend to be a perfectionist.  I hate being wrong and I expect nothing less than perfection from myself in all areas of life.  Secondly, I like to be in control.  I may or may not have been called bossy more than once in my lifetime.  I also hate giving up on things that I've started, wanting to see things through to the end.  These three traits, coupled with my perpetually curious personality have often led me into extremely messy situations.  Most of them involve roller-coaster emotions, leaving me sitting in a puddle of tears, too frustrated to even fathom picking myself up and continuing on.  Any one of my close friends can attest to these frequent episodes of self-pity and condemnation.  These parts of my personality are not parts that I like to talk about because I am not proud of them.  However, lately I have been seeing my life in a different light.  

The one thing that I have done time and time again in the past couple of years is to stop thinking and simply jump blind, not knowing the end result.  Usually, the result is nothing like I'd hoped.  I used to view these situations as mistakes and failures, which I proceeded to spend weeks beating myself up about.  Lately, I've been learning to live without regret, which means that after I make a perceived mistake, I note the lesson the situation has to teach, file it away, and move on.  I am learning to enjoy taking chances, even if they turn out to be dead-ends.  I would rather try and fail than never try and live with the question, "what if?".  Making mistakes can be frustrating and uncomfortable, but if I didn't make mistakes, I wouldn't know how wonderful it feels to do something right.  Are you able to find joy through mistakes? 

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