Wednesday, June 30, 2010

So remember how my motto is that it's never too late for coffee? Even more true in my life as a nurse extern than ever before. I have my coffee before I leave for work at 6:20, coffee once I get to work, around 8 or 9, coffee (at least once) between 3 and 5, and then a cup or two of decaf after I get home. Yeah. My days are just full of coffee breaks. Stupendous is the word for that! And, it turns out that I really need it as a little extra boost to get through my 12 hour shifts. I really do love my job, but the longness is taking time to get used to. Just wanted to update on my coffee drinking..... :)

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Hold Me Near

Hold me near when I'm restless
Hold me near when I'm bitter
Hold me near when I'm rebellious
Hold me near until the end

Hold me near when my heart is broken
Hold me near when I'm ignorant
Hold me near when I'm jealous
Hold me near until the end

But as for me my feet almost gave out, I nearly sold my heart
It's good to be held by my Father, it's good to be where You are.

By Karla Adolphe

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I like to think of myself as a black and white type of person. In other words, I like to think that there is either a right choice and a wrong choice for every decision or scenario in the world. However, the older I get (I know, I'm still young...), the more I've begun to change my thinking. Maybe there isn't just one good choice and one bad choice for everything having to do with life. There are a lot of gray areas. I like gray, as a color. If it even is a color. But I do not like grayness in life. I have spent the last two days as a nurse extern at a local hospital. I have seen and heard things that make me want to turn around and run away. Nursing can be a beautiful profession, but it can also be so incredibly horrendous that all you may be able to think to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I felt like that today. While there are other things going on in my life besides starting my first job in a hospital, the source of wanting to curl up in a ball and bawl until I couldn't bawl anymore came from simply hearing histories of patients on the floor. All I could think was this: it's meaningless. Why do we even try? Why do we fight for a life and fight to give hope where none exists? People die fighting for their lives every day. Maybe it's comforting to the family to know that their loved one didn't give up. Or maybe it's devastating to watch that loved one die in pain that was partially induced by medical treatment. I honestly don't know. But it makes me sad. The saddest part is, in those situations a nurse is completely helpless to do anything except try to ensure the patient's and family's comfort. It's so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that as a nurse, the only thing I can do is watch. Please God, give me the strength and the wisdom to be Your hands and feet when everything around me is gray. Be my absolute.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Oh, summer. Some words to describe this season that brings so much joy to students of all ages: fun, relaxing, HOT! Summer can also be quite boring. Letting down after a hard semester can be surprisingly difficult. However, I have been trying VERY hard to make the most of my summer. I've been out of school for 3 and a half weeks and feel like I have nothing to show for it. I spent a week and a half at home (half of which I spent with a nasty cold), nannied for a week, and spent a weekend in Kansas/Iowa/South Dakota with my mom and three brothers. Now that I'm home for the rest of the summer, I've hit the ground running. The first thing I did shocked me. Guess what? I joined a gym. Yep. Me. The girl who hates to work out. I am an official member of All-American Fitness. I even have the little card on my keychain to prove it. The next thing I was to sign up for two summer classes. Also quite shocking. Anyone who knows me knows that I am adamantly against taking summer classes. Why, you may ask? The reason is simple: 9 months of my year are consumed by studying and studying and more studying. Why in the world would I want to fill my precious 3 months of bliss with more yucky studying? Well, I may not graduate on time if I don't take the classes. Simple as it gets, really.
On Monday I start my job as a nurse extern at St. Francis Hospital. Orientation, really. That's something else that confuses me. What extraordinary information takes one whole week to communicate to new employees? Beats me. However, I get paid for the whole week of sitting in a classroom, so I can't complain. Then....I start my job as a real nurse the next week! In oncology. I've wanted to work in oncology since I was a junior in high school. A God thing? Yes, please. So Monday brings the start of my scheduled summer: work three days a week, homeworking the other four days, working out whenever I get a chance. But then there's the church dilemma. Coming home to a city full of churches and not having one to call home is quite the problem. Nevertheless, I keep praying, knowing that God will lead me to the place I need to be for the summer.
My summer in three words: working, homeworking, working out. Okay, that was four. But that's it in a nutshell! Oh, and I'll blog more this summer :)